My Stomach Bug (OH gosh is it a bug...a real bug?)

Belly Pains: Is it in my head, our heads, ok then, whose head?

I hate self-diagnosis stuff on the internet because one always end up the in weird, hypochondria-tic world of the web, worrying about stomach ulcers the size of hands, parasites with teeth, two-headed babies, and tree man visiting (I always end up in You Tube watching tree man's struggle to drink out of a cup). I'm just one more click away from discovering I've been abducted, and some Prometheus alien is harboring inside me. 

So, I've been struggling with a stomach ache for about a week. I've since had an ultrasound on my gallbladder to check for stones, have been given some medicine for pain, and have talked to a psychotherapist for the obvious reasons that maybe it's in my head. Nothing has helped and no answers have come, so I've decided I'm nuts and only people on the internet can help because that always makes things better and the internet never lies.

I wonder when "stuff" starts to really be in our heads? This could be a moment that happens suddenly or sharply, such as when we think there is one more step to the staircase, but the foot lunges awkwardly to the ground because there is, in fact, no more steps to take. Or, could the saying, "it's in your head," really take a lot longer, a gradual process of becoming ill upstairs (not down). For example, what we are afraid of most, like getting cancer, tumors, and other maladies, could really manifest in some sort of alternative reality, where we are sick and dying and there is no cure; theoretically this reality only exists in our heads. I'm not undermining anyone who has these terrible illnesses, but what if we all are sick because we THINK we are sick, even though we are completely fine according to everyone else? 

This is my case; I have created a world of  gastrointestinal illness, and subsequently have been treating myself as though I do indeed have gallstones,  a parasite (good Lord), or a ruptured ulcer that is getting infected as we speak and is a precursor to stomach cancer, which is the most painful of all cancers according to some guy's post on Live Heath Chat room 201. What can I do to prevent getting more ill? It's a handicap at this point, too, and I will probably need a tag for my car.

It's pretty hard to go around sick in the head, exhausting in fact, because no one understands that not only am I sick mentally, but in this alternative reality I have created (World 2), I am physically incapable of getting out of bed (even though I just went grocery shopping in World 1) ---it's that bad. Does anyone feel sorry for me yet?

There is nothing worse than feeling bad and finding a discussion group online where everyone is commiserating about their trial and tribulations. Some folks even list all the surgeries they've had, where underneath their esquire, there's usually a quote from Gandhi or Maya Angelou (or someone else who has truly has suffered).

Here's what I've seen:

"I have a terrible stomach pain for three months. I've had four CT scans, three ultrasounds, and still no one can find anything wrong with me."

John Burge

Appendectomy '04

L4/L5 Laminectomy '07

Revision L4/L5 Laminectomy 07 (never left the hospital because I liked the jello)

Lumpectomy (yes, I'm a dude) '09

Vasectomy '10 (just on a whim)

“There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you.”  [how ironic]

― Maya Angelou

We have emerged as a new society, especially on the internet, where attaching our maladies to our names becomes a label of importance, significance, and dubious gallantry. Man, it's not cool to have so many surgeries. Do you think some it is in your head? Hmm. Maybe I should go back to the doctor for my belly ache, and even though he thinks I'm fine, my head and the internet tells me differently.